Ever think ¨why is God allowing this to happen?¨

Anybody out there going through some type of problem, maybe its something new, or something that has caused you pain for a long time. Could be a problem with a person, or physical problem, money problems, etc. Could be all sorts of stuff.

Well I think we all go through difficulties and hard times, and here are some verses that may provide some comfort and guidance. All verses are from the NCV (New Century Version)

¨We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character, and character produces hope.¨ -Romans 5:3-4.

¨We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him.¨ -Romans 8:28. (it says EVERYTHING, which includes problems, and suffering)

¨Be patient when trouble comes,...¨ -Romans 12:12.

¨When people curse us, we bless them. When they hurt us, we put up with it. When they tell evil lies about us, we speak nice words about them.¨ 1 Corinthians 4:12-13.
(and soon Paul also writes....) ¨so I beg you, please follow my example.¨ 1 Corinthians 4:16. (wow, how wonderful that would be to be able to have that patience and calmness when we are being insulted and hurt. I just read a commentary about this subject, and it said that when people hurt us, and we repay them with love, that may very well cause the person to feel shame and remorse, and cause them to repent.)

¨Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us.¨ -2 Corinthians 1:3-4. (So God comforts us in our troubles, and then we know how to comfort others when they go through their troubles)

(This next one is when Paul had been asking God to remove his ´thorn in the flesh´, which many people think was probably a painful physical problem. God´s reply to Pauls prayers was ¨my grace is enough for you....¨.)
¨I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ's power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.¨ - 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Boy or girl?

Yesterday in the afternoon, Eliana and I went to a medical clinic for women that does the 4d ultrasound. It was quite a place, and their ultrasound machine was really impressive. They had a big TV on the wall so we could watch the ultrasound on that.

The doctor looked at a lot of different stuff, including the babies brain, spine, heart, stomach, etc. He said there was no apparent problems, and that everything looked good.

We saw the babies little feet, and hands..

And also we got to see an image of our babies face. He said that if we had come in a few months sooner, he could of gotten us some better photos.

But we were really happy with the scan that they did. Below is a photo they took of the babies face. During the scan, our baby was really moving, and opened its mouth, and I am almost certain that I saw some smiles. So it seems our baby is very comfortable and content.

And at the beginning of the scan, the doctor told us that our baby is........ (are you ready?)

A BOY! So everyone be ready to soon welcome our Son into the world, and into our family. We really thought it would probably be a boy, and we were right.

My parents tell me that I was very active when I was little, and if they took my eyes off of me for a few seconds, I would be gone. So I am guessing that our Son will be the same.

To everyone that has said a prayer for Eliana or our baby, thank you so much. And thanks to God, because he has blessed us so much.

We haven´t decided on a name yet. I told Eliana that when the baby is old enough, he can decide his own name. But she didn´t think that was a good idea. Soon the baby will have his name (we think the middle name will probably be Lee, the same as me and my Dad´s)

And now, the photo...

Remember, its an ultrasound image, so its not perfect, but that is an image of our Son´s face.
The clinic gave us some photos, and also a DVD. We don´t have a DVD player on our computer, and so couldn´t put anything on here from that. And we don´t have a scanner, or even my camera that I loaned to someone, to take a shot of it. And so had to use our webcam to take a picture of the image. And so here is our baby... fast a sleep. He has no idea that his mama and papa are taking a look at him, and listening to his little heart beating.

simple requests

There was a time in my life when I became so confused, and full of doubt that I did not know who God was, and even had doubts about if there was a God.

I read a book about Bible prophecy, and end times, and it was with the intention of finding proof that the Bible is true. But although the Bible is full of fulfilled prophecies, that still did not take away my doubts. I can´t remember what all I did to try to take away my doubts, but nothing worked.

And so I finally gave up. I told God, ¨I cannot believe, and I need your help. I am so confused, and I need you to show me what is true.¨ It did not happen immediately, but over months and years God has, and continues to show me the truth, and make himself real to me. And not only that, I am getting to know God, little by little.

What is interesting is that all those doubts and confusion came right after I started becoming serious about living my life for God. I believe that satan came to destroy what God was doing in me, and so I think his plan was to confuse me so maybe I would follow a lie.

But I asked God to show me the truth, and take away my doubts. It was a sincere request, and I believe it was what God was waiting for.

One thing I wanted to add. In Exodus 33, Moses is speaking to God, and says ¨Show me your glory¨. That is a simple request, but also a huge one. I believe that is like saying to God ¨I want to know you... I want to see into your heart¨. And God gave Moses what he wanted.

So if you are wanting truth, and for God to show himself to you, you should simply ask for it...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11.28-30 NIV

Looking to God for what our hearts desire.

I wanted to write about something that might help you. Sometimes I will go through times that I have a lot of resentment towards others. I will remember people in my past that have directly caused me hurt, or maybe it was kind of more indirectly. And then feelings of resentment and anger come. And I know one thing for certain, that type of anger and resentment is not good for a person. It is one thing to hate the bad things that a person does, but is another thing to hate the person.
I truly believe that is probably the #1 way that satan is trying to derail me spiritually, and distance me from God.
I imagine that my struggles are able to help others, because I know other Christians go through the same things that I do.
I want to say that resentment and anger with others is really a very dangerous thing. When I do not forgive someone, really I am hurting myself. And like my Mom said... hurting people, hurt others.
It is not like forgiving someone is like pushing a button. Really it is out of Gods grace that God helps us to forgive. But I think that we need to want God´s help, and even if we do not want to forgive, we can simply pray ¨God, really I do not want to forgive, but I know I need to, and so help me to be willing to forgive¨. But truly it is something that God does in us.
I want to say something about being married, and I know this is true. I know that it is very bad for a marriage when we look at our spouses, and think ¨why don´t you do this for me, or why aren´t you different¨. We will see the flaws in them, instead of the good stuff. And satan wishes to take advantage of that, with a goal of destroying the marriage.
I know that God does not want us to look at our spouses, and to do that. And I think the reason why we do that is because our eyes are on our spouses and not on God. We are looking to our spouses for something that truly they cannot give us.
The pastor that married Eliana and I said ¨you cannot make each other happy. Do not put your eyes on each other, but put them on Christ. And when you do that, your marriage is also blessed¨ That is so true. My Dad is who often said to me ¨don´t think about what others need to do for you, but about what you need to do for them. ¨
I believe I have the best wife in the world. But if I want to be a good husband for her, then God has to be first in my life, and nothing else. And it is the same if I want to be a good father. I believe that when we put our eyes on God, then our hearts find peace, and we are able to love others like we should. And so I think a truly blessed marriage is not like what you see in the movies, but it is when both the husband and wife are seeking God, and wanting to know him more and more. Because God loves us more than we can imagine.
God has used my wife to teach me a lot, and to help me grow spiritually. But if you have a spouse that is not seeking God, then remember that you are not responsible for your spouse, but we are responsible for ourselves. And if you can love that spouse like God wants you to, then they may see Christ in you, and want the same things for their lives.
And I also want to say that although I wrote all the above, I have often done the opposite and not followed that advice. But I know how much it hurts me, and also my marriage when I do that. But I have learned some things after making many mistakes, and I hope this can also help you.
God, help us to put our eyes on you, and not on anybody else. Help us to think about doing things for others, and not about what they should do for us. May you fill our hearts with love and peace and joy, and that will spill over so we can bless others like you are blessing us.

God, put my trust in you..

I wanted to write a quick post, and wish everyone a good evening.

I wanted to say that truly life is not about us. Truly I have no power to do anything good, but it is only Christ in me that can do it.

I will find myself so caught up on the everyday things of life, and when that happens, I miss out on the things that are truly important. But sometimes when I am in the middle of my day, and worrying about what I need to get done, I can hear God speaking to me heart ¨Stop, what you are doing is not important. Trust me, and I will help you with those others things, but just stop, and put your focus on me.¨ Sometimes I listen, and I hate to say it, but sometimes I don´t.

But the times I do listen.... those are the times that I remember. The times I have been able to put something in Gods hands, and trust him, and then see him help me is some wonderful way, that is what I remember. The times that my focus is not on God, those times are quickly forgotten.

So if I could tell you one thing... learn from my mistakes, and do not get caught up in the work and worry of your lives, and miss out on what is truly important.

And what is truly important?... I believe it is our trust and love for God, and our love for others.

God, help me to remember that this life is short, and if I am not careful, these endless tasks in life will cause me to lose my focus on you.

Is God punishing me?

If your anything like me, that thought has popped into your mind, probably many times.

Sometimes I will have some sort of difficulty, and I will then wonder if God is punishing me for something. Maybe punishing me for sin in my life, lack of faith, etc.

I think that can be a dangerous thought, because we may no longer look to God as a loving Father, but as a hard and demanding Father.

I want to look at some scripture, and the first question I want to answer is.... Does God punish those that are in Christ?

1 Thessalonians 5:9-10 says ¨God did not choose us to suffer his anger but to have salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. Jesus died for us so that we can live together with him, whether we are alive or dead when he comes.¨ NCV

According to this, Gods plan for us is our salvation, and not to be punished.

Wise parents really do not punish their children, because punishment is getting retribution for some sort of wrong that was done. But they do correct or discipline their children. The difference is that discipline is not about getting revenge, but it is about teaching the child to do what is right. Good discipline is done out of love and concern.

So does God do the same to His children? Does He discipline them? Yes he does.

Proverbs 3:11-12 says ¨My child, do not reject the Lord´s discipline, and don´t get angry when he corrects you. The Lord corrects those he loves, just as parents correct the child they delight in.¨ NCV

I will tell you about a story about a time I believe that God disciplined me. I worked for a shipping company, and my job was to pick up boxes, and move them onto a conveyer belt, and make sure they then went the right direction. The boxes I moved were often stacked high, and many were quite heavy. But I was supposed to be wearing steel toed shoes, but I wasn´t. I had worked there for some time, and nobody had noticed, but the management was starting to inspect peoples shoes, and I knew that soon they would take a look at mine. Well one day I was moving boxes, and I thought they would probably soon find out that my shoes were not steel toed, and I would get into trouble. And so I told God, ¨God, if you don´t allow them to notice my shoes today, then I will buy steel toed shoes before I work again.¨ And so the rest of the day nobody noticed my shoes and everything went fine.

I had another job at Sears, and I got an employee discount on things in the store, and Sears sold steel toed shoes. I looked at the shoes, but didn´t find any I wanted to buy, and so I decided not to buy them there.

And so soon I went back to work with my old shoes. I was moving boxes as usual, and they were stacked high. There was a small box that was at the top of the stack. I didn´t really see the box fall, but it did. The box might have been small, but it was HEAVY. I don´t know what was inside, but as heavy as it was, it could have been filled with nuts and bolts or something like that. I didn´t actually see it hit my foot, but I believe the box fell not flat, but it fell on one of its corners. And I believe that corner is what came in contact with my big toe. For a split second I was just in shock, but then the pain came, and it was really bad. I stopped working for several seconds, but I didn´t want anybody to know what happened, and for them to know I just had an accident because I was not following safety regulations, and so I quickly went back to work. I think I probably had to work another hour or more there.

Anyways, moments after that box struck my toe, I was sure that it happened because I made a promise to God, and he kept his part, but I didn´t keep mine. Maybe it was not right for me to make that promise in the first place, I don´t really know, but nevertheless, I did, and I believe God expected me to keep it. But I didn´t. I think that God allowed that box to hit my toe, and it was a form of discipline. He allowed it to happen for a purpose, and I don´t believe it was to punish me, but it was to discipline me. But what I did wrong was not just breaking a promise, but also not following safety regulations. You know, after that accident happened, I was not really sad, but I was glad to know that God would do that for me. I am glad that God did something to get my attention, instead of just letting it go. And so that made me happy, and when I think back on that accident, it is actually a good memory because I know God allowed it to happen for a reason.

I thought it broke my toe at first, but it didn´t, and I am thankful for that. Although it was painful, I didn´t have to miss any work. And the next day that I worked, I was wearing a brand new pair of steel toe boots.

And so I agree with that verse in Proverbs. Do not reject God´s discipline, or be angry when he corrects you.

I know that God corrects people in ways that are too many to count. But what we have to remember is that if we are in Christ, then we are God´s children, and any work that God does in our lives is because he loves us.

I have one more question. Why does God not punish those that are in Christ? The reason is because Jesus Christ took our punishment for us. And because Jesus Christ was punished in our place, we will not have to take any punishment from God. God will never punish us with His wrath, but he will discipline us because he loves us.

I know that there are many difficulties in our lives, but I don´t want anybody to now think that all of that is discipline from God. I know God allows us to go through many trials and difficulties, but if we are God´s children, then God uses everything for our good. So don´t think that everything is God´s discipline, but do know that God has a purpose for everything.

Also, I used the story about the box falling on my toe, because I think its a funny story. But when I think about the different ways that God has disciplined me, I think the main way has probably been God using people to tell me what I am doing wrong.

Romans 8:28 says ¨We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him.¨ NCV

Very Blessed

I wanted to write a post about my family. I feel very blessed to have the family that I do. Both on my mothers side, and my fathers side. I have so many good memories.

So many people grow up in very dysfunctional families. Many parents do not even care much about their children, and also a lot of kids grow up without having parents.

But I am very blessed because I have great parents, and I think that I come from a wonderful family.

I remember going to Grandpa & Grandma Fords house in Jetmore, or going to Ponca City to my Uncle & Aunt McGaughey´s house. We would have so much fun. When I found out that I would be seeing my cousins, I was so excited!

I remember when we were just kids, and Grandpa Allen came and picked up me and my brother Paul to take us somewhere. I think we might have been going to their house, but can´t remember. But I immediately got homesick. I had a packback or something, and found a note from my sister Rhonda telling me goodbye (can´t remember exactly what it said), and that is all I could handle... the tears started coming.

I remember going camping at Scott park with my family, and going to Sun n´Fun in Ponca City.

I remember my Grandmas chocolate pies :)

I remember the wrestling matches I had with my Dad and brother. We would have to move the furniture out of the way. I can remember my mom yelling ¨take it outside!¨.

I remember our dog Jack and also the dog we had before him.. Freckles. Such good little dogs!

I remember one of my cousins taking the poop out of his diaper, and wiping it on his parents sliding glass window. (I won´t name names on this one, but I don´t think most have forgotten about that)

I remember going camping with Linda & Rory, and riding on one of those 2 person bikes with Mikaela. That was fun!

I remember when I was a kid, and riding in a car with my dad, and him talking about God, or a story from the Bible, and how much I enjoyed that.

I remember Mom picking us up from school, and taking us to get a pop or a candy bar from Ron´s market.

I remember asking my Dad to take me driving, or to play catch with me, and he always had time for me.

I remember when I was young, and being rocked to sleep in a chair by my mom. I don´t know how old I was, but I must not have been too old.

I remember going to that resort in Colorado (fun valley), and racing Ernie and my brother up the mountain. Also remember eating the trout (think it was trout) that Ernie and Devin had caught, and it was delicious.

I remember toilet papering the inside of my Aunt & Uncle´s house while they were on vacation. Even my Grandmother was in on that one. We may have made it away stock free, but I think my brother left a note, and he signed it! :) My Grandma was then ¨interrogated¨ about the incident. :)

I remember going to Aunt & Uncle Michael´s house, and the go carts and horses that they had.

I remember walking down to the sandpit, and fishing for bluegill, and forgot the name of that other small fish. I would do that with my brother, and our friends.

I remember re-shingling our roof at our house in Holcomb. I think all of us helped with that. We did it in the middle of the summer, and it was so hot! But we did a good job.

I remember when my cousins Tiffany and Melissa were little, and it was so hard to tell them apart (they are twins).

I remember getting homesick after leaving home, and driving to attend college at MidAmerica.

I remember Grandpa Allen taking us golfing, and letting me drive the golf cart.

I remember when Mallory was just a baby, and my mother was taking care of her for a day or two. And then my mom had to leave to pick up something from the quick shop or something, and I got to take care of her! That lasted for about 10 minutes until lots of family showed up. But then I moved to Alaska, and I missed seeing little Mallory :(

I remember when the McGaugheys cat jumped out of the boat while we were going to the lake, and ran, and got in a tree. I think thats the same cat that likes to sleep in their bathroom sink? So it slept in the wrong places, because I think it was sleeping under the tarp in the boat, and it got scared when we were going down the highway, and jumped out. Jim lifted me up, and I had to grab the cat! I was glad to not get bit.

I remember backpacking in the Olympic Wilderness in Washington with my brother, and how beautiful that was.

I remember going from house to house with Travis and Jason, and looking in the window wells with them, trying to find any snakes or frogs.

I remember hunting with Ernie & Devin, and missing I think every bird I shot at. But I enjoyed it! I also remember riding dirtbikes with Devin, and I tried showing off for some people, and popped a wheelie, and flipped it over backwards, and took a bunch of skin off my back. Oh those nexts days were so painful!

Speaking of showing off, I remember jumping on the trampoline with I think Devin and McKinsey, and I told them to go to the side and sit down, and I would show them my 1 1/2 backflip. (I hadn´t perfected it yet). Its where you do a backflip, then then land on your back, instead of feet. And so I did that, but I did not land in the middle of the mat, but instead my head landed on the side where the bar is (but fortunately they had pads on top of the bars). I almost knocked myself out. I remember walking, and feeling like I was going to pass out, but I didn´t. McKinsey ran inside, and told those inside that I just had an accident. I had split the back of my head open, and my mom had to take me to the emergency room to get switches. So basicly... I teach kids safety by showing them what NOT to do.

I remember many things that my parents did for me, and it really softens my heart when I think about things that they have done for me. I remember when my parents bought me a new dirtbike. I think I was sick, and I couldn´t go, but my dad went to Nebraska to pick it up, because the new ones weren´t in that part of Kansas yet. They wanted to do that for me, and to get me a new one, and when I think back on that, it really is very special to me. When I think about that, it is humbling.

I wish everyone could have the parents and family that I have.

And God has not stopped blessing me, and it amazes me, because I don´t deserve it.

I am now married to a woman that is more beautiful and special than I ever imagined that I would marry. I am amazed that I am her husband, because she is so special. And now my family has doubled. Her family is now my family, and Eliana also comes from a great family. My Parents, and Warene will tell you that. And Eliana and I will soon have a child. Really we already have a child, but just hasn´t been born yet. And when I think back, and remember all these memories, it makes me want to be a good father, and that he/she can have a life as blessed as mine and Elianas.

And so to my wife, and parents, brother, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces... and everyone else I may have missed... thanks for being so great, and for all the memories you have given me.

5 months is coming soon.

This week will be 19 weeks and then soon 20 weeks and that will make me 5 months pregnant. I think about this and I'm very excited because time passes so quickly and within 4 months, God will grant us to take the baby in our arms.

Tim and I were thinking and talking about things that the baby needs when he/she is born and we are so happy to think about it.

To think that our lives will change soon in a special and wonderful way is a sensation that can not be described with words, but you who are parents understand what I mean.

One of the things we think about is the times we will get ready to go to the church. Tim and I think about when the baby is born and it will not be just the two of us, because the baby will be with us and then we will have to get the baby ready and bring with us everything that the baby needs and we also have to get ready. And then when the 3 of us are ready, we can head to the church. That is something we like to think about.

It's so beautiful to think about a child. It´s really a great blessing that God gives to us and we are so thankful to God for this beautiful blessing that is coming and will soon be in our hands.

This weekend, I began to feel the baby moving more, and it's really amazing when I feel the baby moving. When I see my tummy in the mirror I am surprised at how different it is, and Tim said, the baby is growing :) My tummy is really not that big, but it's nice to know that our baby is growing and soon will grow more and more :).

I think that God is preparing me to be a mom. I wake up every morning and I can touch my tummy and think about the baby. I begin to feel a strange feeling but it's a very beautiful feeling and I know that God is preparing me. One of my prayers is about a promise that is in the Bible, and is in Psalms 128:3...

"Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.." NIV

Also it says says in Proverbs 14:1:

¨The wise woman builds her house.¨ NIV

I know that only God can do these things in a woman, and I wish very much that he does this in me. Really he is the vine and it is him that can make us righteous, and I wish very much that he is forming my life to his character and making me into a reflection of his love. That is something that when I think about, my heart starts to burn and I want much more of Christ.

I believe that God has begun to teach me about things that before I did not know. This is a new stage in my life and is a great blessing and I am very grateful to him for all his love and mercy.

¨well done my good and faithful servant¨. -Matthew 25

Something I worry about a lot is if my life will follow the plan that God has for me. When I think about the future, that is what I want. Because I know that God has a great plan for my life, and also for your life. I know that God wants us to know him, and to love him. And also wants us to love others. I know that because Jesus says those are the two greatest commands: To love God with everything we have, and to love others. And I think that if I am wanting to follow Gods plan for my life, then I need that love. Because 1 Corinthians 13 says that I can do all sorts of work (including giving all I possess to the poor, and even being so gifted that I understand all mystery and all knowledge), but if I do not have love, then I am nothing. And not only that, but I can have faith, but without love, I am nothing.

And so I need love. My understanding is that without love, I can not be of much use to God. I guess that makes sense, because we should follow Christs example, and I know that he loves us a lot, because he even died for our sin, and only God knows the suffering that he went through.

You know, right now if I died, I know I would not be able to look God in the eye when I stood face to face with him. And I want that to change. And that is my prayer. When I die, and stand before God, I want him to say to me ¨well done my good and faithful servant¨. Those words would be music to my ears. But I am sure afraid that he won´t say that to me.

Here is my prayer: That God gives me a broken and compassionate heart. That I (and my wife) can do everything that God wants us to do, and complete the mission that he has for us. Oh how wonderful would that be!, to complete the mission that God has for me. I really want that. Because I am only here in this world for a short time, and when I die and begin my life in eternity, I don´t want to look back and think ¨I sure wish that things had been different, and would have had more love, and God could have used me in any and every way that he wanted¨. Here is what I want to be able to say, in the words of the Apostle Paul: ¨I have fought the good fight¨. He also said ¨I have kept the faith¨. Oh to be one of those that keep the faith, and fight the good fight. Paul went through beatings (once people thought they had stoned him to death, but he lived through it) He was shipwrecked I don´t remember how many times. He was cursed, and hated. He was put in prison, and although how he died is not recorded in the Bible, other writings say that he was killed in Rome. God wanted Paul to teach the non-Jewish people about Jesus Christ. That was his mission, and during his mission he went through all sorts of suffering. But I believe that Paul had learned to have joy in all situations. To be able to be content even when he was hungry, or without enough clothing, or in prison. I believe that all he needed was God. That was enough for him. And I hope that God makes me into one of those Christians.

You know I hear about Christians that are killed for their faith, and go through persecution that is so horrible. But it seems to me that those things are happening to the Christians that are refusing to compromise. They are not giving into the pressure and threats of the world, but they stay strong, and continue to do what God has for them to do. And many are persecuted and killed for that. If someone pointed a machine gun at me, and asked me if I believed in Jesus, what would I say? I could lie, and that might save my life, or I could say that I believe in Jesus, and be killed. And so many Christians have chosen to say yes, they believe in Jesus. They would rather die than to deny that they believe in Christ. Those are Christians that refuse to compromise, even if it means that they will lose their life. But like I have heard before from my good friend Jim, ¨the best thing that can happen to a Christian is to die¨. Matthew 10:28 says to not be afraid of those that can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul. I think that a lot of Christians have assurance of their salvation, and also have so much love for Jesus Christ that they are not afraid to die. And not only are they not afraid, but they wish for the day when they will die, and go to be with Christ.

But to be honest, I don´t want to be killed because of my faith, and for doing the work that God has for me to do. I don´t want to be persecuted, or to suffer. If I had it my way, I would skip all those things. But Jesus says that because he is hated, we also will be hated. And the Bible says that we must suffer like Christ suffered, so we can have glory like Christ has glory. And the Bible says to rejoice in our sufferings, because God uses our sufferings for good, and to change us, and make us more Christ-like.

But those sufferings I would rather skip. I wish that God could change me, without me having to go through any type of suffering. And when I say suffering, I don´t mean just the things that I mentioned about Paul. There is all sorts of different things. How about health problems, or watching a loved one suffer, or die. Or having difficulties at work, or at school, or even difficulties at home, and in a marriage. But God can use everything for our good. Although it is difficult, God can use it to actually help us.

The other day something happened that was really hard. And I know that God disciplined me. But God does not discipline like an abusive father, but like a loving one. And I know, because after he disciplined me, he comforted me. And I needed his comfort because I felt so guilty, and was really upset.

Our God is very good.

But here is a question that I have been asking myself. How can I follow in the path that God has for me? I know people have all sorts of answers for that. But I only have one, because I honestly don´t think I can accomplish it myself. I think that all I can do is pray. I pray that God accomplishes his plan for my life. I want to live a life of love, and helping others. I don´t want to live a life of being selfish, because I have done enough of that in the past. But I know that God hears my prayers. And I know that God can make me into a good servant. So if God has to take me through difficulties, and sufferings to make me into a good servant, then that is ok. I´m not saying I will enjoy it, but it is worth it. And I want Gods discipline. To be honest, I remember times that God disciplined me (and I actually recognized that it was his discipline) , and I have good memories of them :) That may sound weird, but it shows how loving is God, because he even disciplines us with love. The discipline of an abusive father will hurt his relationship with his child. But I know that God is a loving father, and I believe that his discipline has brought me closer to him.

So my answer is prayer. To pray that God uses my life however he wishes, and that he can use my life to accomplish whatever he wants, and to help whoever he wants. May God make me humble, and loving, and follow the path that he has for me. One thing I know for certain, I will never be a lone, because God is with me. Whatever difficulties or suffering is ahead of me, God will not leave me. He will be with me to guide me, and help me. Nothing can happen to me that God does not allow. God is our strength, and our comforter. He is very good.

p.s.... a special thanks to God for teaching me about the importance of love, and giving me the words to write this post.

4 months

The time passes quickly. Now the baby is a little bigger. At the last ultrasound, the doctor told us that the baby is doing fine. In July, Tim and I want to know if the baby is a girl or boy. But we have to wait atleast another month when the baby is bigger. Now I am feeling better. Some days I like to eat particular foods, especially fruit. But I don´t have the nausea after the meals anymore :)
I have a photo. I hope that you have a day calm and full of blessings.

A photo

Here is an updated photo.

Can you believe how big my belly is?

Actually my belly is not so big, but I think my sister Katherine can´t wait to see me that big, because she gave me a coffee cup with this picture on it. She told me that when she saw it in the store, she thought it looked just like me, and that she had to purchase it immediately. I really don´t understand how my sister thinks I am identical to the picture, especially because the drawing does not have much hair, and has skinny legs, and one foot is bigger than the other. It was really a very funny gift for all my family, myself, and my husband.

And I am so surprised to think that I am similar to the drawing.

The baby is growing!

Today in the morning before going to church, my mother looked at me and said ¨your belly is bigger¨. I smiled and said ¨yes, it is bigger¨.

After the meeting at the church, a young woman approached me. She was very happy and smiling and said, ¨your tummy is growing¨. And so I said ¨yes, it is true, the baby is getting bigger¨.

And then I went to my brother Paul´s house to help fix his computer, and he said to me, ¨oh!, your belly is bigger¨. And I told him, ¨yes, the baby is growing¨.
When I got home and we were having lunch, my sisters fiance Gustavo said ¨your belly is bigger!¨. I smiled and said, ¨yes, the baby is growing¨.

And my sister Katherine says to me, ¨your tummy is bigger!¨. I think possibly that for many days, or even more months, people will be telling me enthusiastically, ¨oh, your belly is bigger!¨.

And I like to hear it, because it reminds me that the baby is growing.

Maria Sue Chapman

If you have never heard of Steven Curtis Chapman, he is a famous christian singer/songwriter. He and his wife have six children, and the three youngest are all girls adopted from China.
From what I understand, Wednesday, the family was making preparations because, in just a few hours, they would be hosting a graduation celebration at the house for one of the oldest sons. The youngest daughter Maria (age 5) was in the driveway, and was accidently hit by a vehicle driven by an older teenage brother. She died wednesday night after being LifeFlighted. I know the family needs prayers, and I think especially for that son that was driving the vehicle. I am sure he feels that his sisters death is his fault, although it was an accident.
Below is a short video that Steven had made for an adoption blog. He is singing a song that his two youngest daughters had inspired him to write. I don´t know when he made the video, but it was before the accident happened. I think this song shows how God had been preparing Steven and his wife for this tragedy.

Here are the lyrics:

She spins and she sways to whatever song plays,
Without a care in the world.
And I'm sittin' here wearin' the weight of the world on my shoulders.
It's been a long day and there's still work to do,
She's pulling at me saying "Dad I need you!
There's a ball at the castle and I've been invited and I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I'd approve of a dress
She says "Dad, the prom is just one week away,
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy, please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

Well, she came home today
With a ring on her hand
Just glowin' and tellin' us all they had planned
She says "Dad, the wedding's due six months away
And I need to practice my dancin'"
"Oh please, daddy please!"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Ohh-oh ohh-oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't wanna miss even one song,
(even one song)
Cuz all to soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone



The second video has Maria in it. She is such a sweet and precious little girl.

A trailer for the movie ¨Most¨.

From the producer of ¨The Passion of the Christ¨, comes this short film, ¨Most¨. All I can say after watching some trailers for this movie, is that it is absolutely incredible. An incredible story with a life changing message. I believe the movie is a little more than 30 minutes, and you can buy the DVD for $9.99 at http://mostthemovie.com/ (I haven´t seen the full film yet, but I REALLY want to)
And now, be ready to be moved, because here is the trailer: